Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
