ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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