Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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