I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Randomize