my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
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