How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
