I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
