1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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