I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
