jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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