I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
