Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
