the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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