make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Randomize
