you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
