Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
