i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Randomize
