i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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