I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
