I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
