so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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