I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I forgot how hot balto sounded
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
