also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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