Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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