did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Sober January is a disaster.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
