I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
