I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
