You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
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