Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
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