I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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