I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Lo siento on account of my penis...
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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