Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
