Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
