i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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