Texts From Last Night

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  (914): View more from New York

  Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.

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  (914): Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way. http://tfl.nu/3diq
  Replies (49) Good night (4076) Bad night (1464)
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  (972): View more from Texas

  It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old

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  (972): It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old http://tfl.nu/d8tm
  Replies (24) Good night (902) Bad night (5343)
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  (240): View more from Maryland

  she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.

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  (240): she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever. http://tfl.nu/656k
  Replies (27) Good night (5779) Bad night (598)
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  (518): View more from New York

  I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide

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  (518): I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide http://tfl.nu/vkti
  Replies (16) Good night (4988) Bad night (1272)
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  (319): View more from Iowa

  he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"

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  (319): he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you" http://tfl.nu/5pu4
  Replies (18) Good night (5134) Bad night (2434)
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  (207): View more from Maine

  her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did

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  (207): her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did http://tfl.nu/hfoj
  Replies (21) Good night (5267) Bad night (2108)
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  (602): View more from Arizona

  It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass

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  (602): It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass http://tfl.nu/mkro
  Replies (10) Good night (2761) Bad night (1108)
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  (760): View more from California

  Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?

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  (760): Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl? http://tfl.nu/fr90
  Replies (10) Good night (1335) Bad night (1320)
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  (864): View more from South Carolina

  We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.

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  (864): We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom. http://tfl.nu/8ad4
  Replies (1) Good night (669) Bad night (754)
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  (714): View more from California

  I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA

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  (714): I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA http://tfl.nu/vx5m
  Replies (2) Good night (1344) Bad night (527)
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  (931): View more from Tennessee

  My bed is full of blood and feathers

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  (931): My bed is full of blood and feathers http://tfl.nu/0j2w
  Replies (10) Good night (541) Bad night (1383)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.

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  (202): I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills. http://tfl.nu/w2hv
  Replies (6) Good night (1442) Bad night (627)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.

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  (+44): What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful. http://tfl.nu/aeug
  Replies (3) Good night (515) Bad night (290)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.

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  (201): Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off. http://tfl.nu/s8w5
  Replies (10) Good night (288) Bad night (1038)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of

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  (404): How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of http://tfl.nu/yhrq
  Replies (2) Good night (386) Bad night (406)

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