Texts From Last Night

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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air

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  (610): the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air http://tfl.nu/jv3m
  Replies (31) Good night (821) Bad night (3675)
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  This show inspires me to have sex in space

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  (678): This show inspires me to have sex in space http://tfl.nu/vmc9
  Replies (24) Good night (4261) Bad night (886)
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.

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  (702): Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily. http://tfl.nu/1vv1
  Replies (3) Good night (3618) Bad night (1001)
• Favorite

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people

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  (604): You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people http://tfl.nu/m3p8
  Replies (11) Good night (3816) Bad night (1233)
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza

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  (832): Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza http://tfl.nu/lbxf
  Replies (9) Good night (1814) Bad night (1912)
• Favorite

  (309): View more from Illinois

  remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..

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  (309): remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him.. http://tfl.nu/o0zu
  Replies (13) Good night (1419) Bad night (2348)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.

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  (412): He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to. (412): Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali. http://tfl.nu/ulfo
  Replies (9) Good night (2385) Bad night (833)
• Favorite

  (312): View more from Illinois

  Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog

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  (312): Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog http://tfl.nu/dk0r
  Replies (23) Good night (5140) Bad night (976)
• Favorite

  (575): View more from New Mexico

  You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.

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  (575): You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence. http://tfl.nu/h3k6
  Replies (13) Good night (1883) Bad night (714)
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.

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  (570): Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear. http://tfl.nu/m0op
  Replies (14) Good night (2077) Bad night (606)
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Toronto

  Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.

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  (416): Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights. http://tfl.nu/9jzc
  Replies (6) Good night (1250) Bad night (552)
• Favorite

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina

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  (267): All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina http://tfl.nu/o3rx
  Replies (11) Good night (1600) Bad night (531)
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  Holy high batman

  (408): View more from California

  The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course

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  (408): Holy high batman (408): The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course http://tfl.nu/9imx
  Replies (1) Good night (711) Bad night (372)
• Favorite

  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.

  (763): View more from Minnesota

  welcome to college.

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  (715): all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila. (763): welcome to college. http://tfl.nu/etvj
  Replies (1) Good night (881) Bad night (359)
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.

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  (360): You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it. http://tfl.nu/4bwy
  Replies (2) Good night (718) Bad night (328)

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