a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
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