wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.