youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
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I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I just want nice things and good sex
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.