thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night