just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat