Texts From Last Night

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  (323): View more from California

  just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo

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  (323): just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo http://tfl.nu/xr1e
  Replies (2) Good night (523) Bad night (919)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.

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  (704): She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone. http://tfl.nu/3kwt
  Replies (42) Good night (743) Bad night (3596)
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  (914): View more from New York

  vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable

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  (914): vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable http://tfl.nu/smln
  Replies (12) Good night (4165) Bad night (581)
• Favorite

  (718): View more from New York

  I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.

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  (718): I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed. http://tfl.nu/ihm6
  Replies (9) Good night (1572) Bad night (3786)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.

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  (970): I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it. http://tfl.nu/cqfe
  Replies (8) Good night (755) Bad night (6057)
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.

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  (517): All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop. http://tfl.nu/gnt9
  Replies (12) Good night (3249) Bad night (1446)
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Toronto

  Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.

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  (416): Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender. http://tfl.nu/ts7y
  Replies (8) Good night (1136) Bad night (3918)
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  I have surprise drugs for everyone

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  (404): I have surprise drugs for everyone http://tfl.nu/7gjj
  Replies (11) Good night (2748) Bad night (883)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.

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  (860): I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off. http://tfl.nu/qi2a
  Replies (16) Good night (1943) Bad night (1025)
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  (916): View more from California

  No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.

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  (916): No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street. http://tfl.nu/lc9z
  Replies (6) Good night (1388) Bad night (450)
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Ontario

  My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.

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  (905): My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again. http://tfl.nu/lu9i
  Replies (9) Good night (663) Bad night (929)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.

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  (970): Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack. http://tfl.nu/afhg
  Replies (2) Good night (371) Bad night (821)
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?

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  (404): When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012? http://tfl.nu/cat9
  Replies (12) Good night (1656) Bad night (607)
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.

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  (215): Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship. http://tfl.nu/lmdk
  Replies (2) Good night (505) Bad night (379)
• Favorite

  (870): View more from Arkansas

  My boob is missing a layer of skin

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  (870): My boob is missing a layer of skin http://tfl.nu/09nj
  Replies (7) Good night (217) Bad night (805)

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