Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
