We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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