can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
