you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
