Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Randomize
