In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
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