I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
