And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
