If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.