Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
21 Guys Share Their Insane Stripper Stories
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
27 Reasons Why Men Need To Moan More During Sex
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.