My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
