I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
