who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Randomize
