Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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