omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
