Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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