Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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