I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Randomize
