This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
