We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
of course. lets lasso hookers.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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