Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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