Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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