also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
