her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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