We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
