I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
