i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
sick fucks of a feather flock together
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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